Getting to Know Me

My husband was stationed overseas the year we got married.....two months after to be exact. He was gone for a year. That was one of the hardest years, yet the one that taught me so much. I learned some surprising things about myself. A couple months after he left I think it hit me....I was alone. My new husband was in another country. I was living by myself, something I had never done. But now I came home to an empty house every day. And I hated that. I lived with roommates before and I'd love when they weren't home. I didn't mind when my husband (then boyfriend) would be gone for a week at work. But all of a sudden he wasn't going to be back in a week or two.....or even a month of two. This was too much for me to grasp....the thought of living alone....for a year.

I started having anxiety attacks. Crying for no good reason at all. I'd be in the middle of talking to a dealer on the phone at work, discussing credit, points, payment, and interest rate....and I'd have to call them back later because I needed to walk out of the office due to the overwhelming urge to cry. I'd sleep on the couch with my dog at night because that's where I could get a few hours of sleep. I wasn't eating much and I was getting sick almost every morning before work. What was wrong with me??? This was not the woman I knew.

Just when I was feeling good again, the company that I worked for closed our branch. Here's where everything turned around for me. I started going to church again, something I hadn't done in years. I found a church I loved, where I fit in, and Sunday was one of my favorite days of the week. I joined a wives group. Joining the group was easy....going to an event where I knew no one was the hard part. I almost talked myself out of it about 3 times before parking the car and going into the restaurant to my first event. I forced myself to do something that I wasn't totally comfortable with. I feel that God was pushing me out of that car and dragging me into the restaurant.

I made some wonderful friends and had a great time getting to know other women. And myself. I started to love being alone. I enjoyed going home and hanging out on the couch with my dog, watching tv or reading a book at night and going to bed at whatever time I wanted. I bought a day planner because my schedule was so busy; brunch with the girls, movie nights, farmer's markets, taking my dog to the beach to play, lunch with my old work friends. I had a life!! I learned a lot that year...

I learned my family, husband, and true friends will be there for me even when I hit rock bottom and don't know why. I learned I can trust myself and God and know that everything will actually be ok, even if it's not right at this very moment. I can do things that I normally thought I couldn't, like walking into an event full of strangers and end up leaving with a handful of friends. I learned that being alone is nice sometimes. I can now walk into a movie theater and feel proud that I have enough guts to be there by myself. I learned that I'm stronger than I ever thought I was. I am so grateful that my husband is home safe and sound and we are now together. But that year apart let me get to know myself more and let me open up to letting OTHER people get to know me. Because let's admit it.....you're pretty lucky if you know me. :)

~Gretchen~