A friend's blog really made me think today. I was having an off day today anyway. Feeling sorry for myself, sad, lonely, and just ready for change. Sometimes change really is good. I think I'm just ready to move. I'm to the point where my good friends are moving and the thought of finding new ones is overwhelming. I need more friends though. I need family. I pray everyday we can get back to the east coast, closer to both of our families. The thought of another year here kicks my anxiety into high gear though.
Anyway, in her blog she was talking about the "what if's" of life. It got me thinking. What if I hadn't gone to college? Would I still be living in my home town, raising a family there? What if I never moved to California? Would I have gone to another state? Stayed where I was? What if we weren't a military family? Sometimes I forget what it's like to live in one place and not worry about where we'll go next. I wouldn't trade my life for any other path I could have chosen. I'm glad I made each and every decision that I did. It just made me wonder "what if". I wish there was a crystal ball where I could see each different story of my life to see each scenario play out. I'm grateful for every decision that got me to the path I'm on now. I think I'm just ready for the next step, the next decision, the next adventure.
The blog today lead me to another blog where she encourages you to make a "10 things I like about me" list. She calls it "Reclaiming Me". I think I need to reclaim me. Sometimes I feel like I've lost myself. And there are so few people who know the real me. I wish I could lay it all out there as soon as I meet someone but I don't work like that. So, if you are lucky enough to get past the layers then you'll see the real me....and hopefully love me. :) Anyway, I'd really like to do this list. Not necessarily on my blog....but maybe....to try to find the positive things about myself instead of seeing all the negatives. The negatives are really easy to pick out....the positives take a little more time. And that's pretty sad.
So, here's to reclaiming me. Hopefully.
Monday, July 18, 2011
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I love ya :) You've been one of the best friends I've ever had and I'm so incredibly thankful that you are in my life!
ReplyDeleteI can relate to the feeling of losing one's self. There have been days I have looked in the mirror and hardly recognized myself. LOL!
ReplyDeleteBut "what ifs" only make you crazy. Our lives can change drastically in one direction or another on a very simple, split second decision. What matters are the "What ARES". Perhaps this can help you to "reclaim" you. :)
You ARE the mommy to a beautiful little girl, you ARE the wife of one heck of a lucky Senior Cheif ... you ARE the friend to many people whom you may not have ever met had you not lived in so many places ... you ARE an awesome craftperson (I could never sew like that!).
I know you've never been too crazy about Chicago. But it has allowed you to have J home for a couple of years to have and raise little Emma (as opposed to being in the "Sandbox"). But that's a good thing about being a military family, I suppose .... like the place or hate it, you'll likely end up somewhere else in a few years.
You are a fabulous person, Gretchen. I hope the peace you seek finds you very soon. :)
Hugs to you!